If the Impossible Dreamer scenario isn’t something you recognize, the Impossible Dreamer may not be your type. Perhaps you are a Following Wind type instead. A Following Wind is someone who follows or moves in the same direction as your partner, your peers, a popular trend, the dominant group, or even the wind itself. Whatever everyone else seems to be doing, that’s what the Following Wind wants to do, too. If you are like the FW, you are not a trend-setter. But you are often the glue that holds a group together, through your willingness to throw yourself wholeheartedly into whatever is the happening thing, especially if it gets you closer to someone you are dying to rub up against. Before you disqualify yourself from this Type, read a little more. Following Winds don’t often think about themselves in this manner. So see what you think as you read a little more.
As a Following Wind, you don’t always know what you want. Sometimes it feels like your feelings seem to change with the weather. Whatever is trending is what you like, too, even if it means abandoning previous plans you’ve put a lot of effort into. A Following Wind just wants someone to care and a companion to do things with.
Following Wind Relationship Personality Type*
As an FW, you feel like you have lots of interests, but in truth there are none that you feel passionate about. So when someone with partner potential appears in your life, you might find yourself suddenly signing up for a motorcycle club or a nightclub, raising bees or raising babies, quitting college or quitting sugar in favor of becoming an extreme vegan like your sweetheart. You might give up your urban life and job in favor of living off the land. You might agree to give up anything from underwear to your pristine credit rating—it all depends on what your current amour is doing.
True Following Wind relationship personality types are willing to change or give up anything to fit with the other person. The telling characteristic is that your family and friends are shocked when you make a change for the “relationship,” but to you it doesn’t feel like you are giving up anything at all. After all, we’re talking true love here, right? So you can get with “give a little, get a little.”
Is this you? Are you a Following Wind?
The good thing about being a Following Wind personality type is you are likely warm, flexible and a quick learner. People like being around you because you make them feel good about themselves. There are lots of times when you feel happy, and those times are good for your health because it lowers your stress level.
If you feel like you might be a Following Wind, there is good news for you, too. There is a way to break free of the pattern.
You might hesitate about breaking free of anything because there is a part of the whole thing you really kind of like: You like the excitement of a new life, you might get a whole new set of friends in the bargain, and learn how to do some things you maybe didn’t know how to do before. Pretty exciting stuff—and what’s so wrong with that?
FW relationship personality types are really good at ignoring their own reality. So now it is reality check time: Are you tired of giving up everything, making big changes, just to fit in with a new love? And after the newness has worn off, after the passionate excitement and feverish attraction of new love has moved on into the day to day routine, when the regret begins to make itself known? Are you tired of that part of the pattern?
Following Wind Relationship Personality Type: You Have Feelings, Too.
Here’s the thing. If a Following Wind stays in a relationship by ignoring feelings of regret at what has been sacrificed and about what has been left behind, inevitably, resentment happens. And it grows.
Following Winds find themselves saying things like “but I gave up (fill in the blank) for you.” Or, “We never do anything I want to do” and “If I had known things were going to turn out like this, I never would have: given up, quit, let go of, lost contact with, failed to finish (you fill in the blank).”
Resentment and regret are the classic legacies of an unhealed FW’s relationship. If any of the above statements have fallen from your lips, chances are you are a Following Wind, or you have some of it in your makeup.
Following Winds don’t look at themselves as having a strong sense of self. They tend to think the perfect relationship will replace what they may be missing about themselves, and are baffled and hurt when that strategy doesn’t work.
Another piece of good news about being a Following Wind personality type is that you have had a number of experiences that will tell you what you don’t want in a relationship. If you pay attention and learn from your mistakes. Get some help to figure out how to apply that experience to finding out what you do want in a relationship and then make that happen. The worst thing a Following Wind can do is to keep doing the same thing over and over and then expect different results.
So if you are ready to be done with the disappointments and resentments of a Following Wind, your solution is there waiting for you. The steps you can take to make your life work are straightforward and simple. You just need someone to keep you pointed onto your new target and away from the relationship ditch you keep falling into by following your FW “instincts.”
*The Following Wind and other “relationship personality types” are presented to entertain, inform and educate, not to diagnose. They are Auntie Veranda’s way of describing sets of behaviors she has observed in others. The list is not definitive; she hasn’t had time to share all her observations of other humans, but she’ll keep working on it.