Key Feature #6: Do you both agree that when you have an argument or disagreement, you will not call each other names or use derogatory personal statements no matter how angry or upset you are? The answer should be ‘yes.’ If it is anything but yes, then you do not have a relationship that feels good, because I guarantee if you have ever called your partner a name or used a derogatory personal statement, she remembers it, down to the day, time and circumstance in which it happened. It takes a huge amount of trust-rebuilding to make up for one slip of the tongue because it will have made your partner believe that’s how you really feel, no matter what else you say. If you have experienced any of this in your relationship but would like to change it, it is possible to do so, but will take some work. There are a number of books about changing it. You can access titles by searching on the keyword “verbal abuse” in your browser. And you can talk to a coach or a therapist about what’s involved in doing this healing.
Key Feature #7: Are you polite and accommodating to each other? The answer should be an unequivocal ‘yes.’ Manners are just as important after you are married or in a committed relationship, as they were when you were courting. This means you say please and thank you even if no one else is listening, even if it is something your partner does for you every day of your life. Believe me, the rewards for this kind of positive behavior are plentiful. Very soon you will feel like you have always behaved in this loving way toward one another. If you do not have an agreement that this is something you both do, then chances are, your relationship doesn’t feel all that good. But if you do agree on this point and practice it, chances are your relationship feels pretty darn good by now.